you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
