That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
