Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
