he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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