Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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