I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
