I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
