woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
