Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
