i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
