You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
