Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
