Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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