According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
