Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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