Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
