I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize