yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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