Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
