I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
