and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
