i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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