Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
