hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
