It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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