just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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