went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
