matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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