lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
