I hope mine doesn't look like that
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize