You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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