Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
