so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
