I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I want to fling myself into the sun
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
