I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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