I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
