yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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