I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
