So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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