I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
