You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
