Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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