we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
