By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i out mim tonsoeep
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
