i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
either way he was missing a nipple.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
