9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
