drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
