The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
