I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
