I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
