Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
