just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
