Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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