Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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