Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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