I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
