To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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