I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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