fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
