I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
