and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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