so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
