I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
