New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
