I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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