i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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