Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
