He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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