I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
