Your dad touched me again.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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