put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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