i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
